In case you didn't hear, Dr. Oz wants your questions! He tweeted this out last Wednesday.
I was excited. Finally I could get my questions answered by America's doctor darling. Since I know he's a busy guy, I thought I'd need to get his attention. No, I wasn't interested in the miracle antioxidant pill that detoxes my carotid arteries, reprograms my neuronal circuitry, melts away belly fat, and enhances me in the bedroom. I know about that already. I've seen his show.
No, my questions were far more important:
Yeah, it's a lot, but there were actually a bunch more. I just needed to know the answers. These are questions we ALL need to have answered!
But then something strange happened: the rest of the Internet noticed Dr. Oz had an inbox. The rest of the internet went totally nuts over this. It was as if Dr. Oz decided it was a good idea to walk across a field, only to find out that it was recently occupied by a herd of cows who are on laxatives. He stepped in it big-time. This was noticed by the press:
Yeah, I wasn't too happy getting called a troll. I've always been partial to ogres.
The upshot of all of this is that HE DIDN'T ANSWER ANY OF MY QUESTIONS!!
I wept for the next few days. I thought he was my friend. He seems so warm and caring on TV, yet he was cold as ice on Twitter. Remarkable. Incredibly disappointing.
But then it occurred to me: "Wait...I am a doctor just like him! Sure, my hair's not as nice as his, but we both have medical degrees and our names even kind of rhyme. So why can't I answer questions he wouldn't answer?? Why can't I have an inbox where I can get my competency questioned and be accused of moral bankruptcy JUST LIKE DR. OZ?"
After I sobered up I concluded that, in most ways, imitating Dr. Oz is probably a bad idea. I also realized that I don't need to steal an idea form the Wizard of Mehmet because he stole it from me! I've already been giving questionable medical advice for many years on this blog in the form of my "Ask Dr. Rob" posts.
So if you are tired of getting stiffed by TV doctors with nice hair, send your questions my direction! I am not afraid to ask the questions that Dr. Oz is afraid to answer, and I am not afraid to make up answers for your tough questions!** You can tweet me (@doc_rob) or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
**Obviously I can't answer specific questions about your health. That would invite a visit from the law firm of Spottem, Pounce, Sue, and Cashin.